Feb 14, 2007

Happy valentine?!

Year ago I did received your sms during valentine’s
night and your call on the Friday of valentine week. I was surprised when I saw
the caller’s number was somewhere from a local HP, and kept asking you about
your real location during that time. You did told me that you are still remind
in your country and apologized that you were busy-which is always the reason
what make you hardly to be contacting by nearly every way. We missed our
valentine for the very first time, but I did not feel bad at all. I knew that
you will feel great whenever you had my valentine’s gift received, yet I am
rewarded by your call and your lovely voice with some love chat with me. This
is the valentine which I was stayed alone at home without holding a girl’s hand
along, but this is also my happiest valentine ever in my whole life. The reason?!
I found someone that is able to conquer my lonely heart totally with the power
of true love.  I told myself that I must be preparing for any valentine in
future.  Your life is always busy and I should be the one to work hard for
our happiness.

This year, I did started to hunt for your valentine gift once after the new
year began, when everyone was still wishing each others ‘Happy new year
2007.." I did wrap myself with new hair style on the last few pieces of January
calendar slip. A style that even the hair stylist felt nothing much to deal
with my hair after listened my order -"Do not touch my hair in front and
back down side." I knew that you will like it when I keep my hair long. I
am romance even I knew that romantic is something ridiculous in your busy life,
but I keep it in deal with my way just because I am always attempting whatever
my heart told me to be for the one who hold my real soul and heart.

A day after I had my new hair style in set. I did call you and we had yet
had some msn chat. During the chat session I had been informed that you are now
too busy for any relations. I told you that I do understand as I really am. You
told me as well that you will feel bad if you know anyone turned to be sad just
because of your life. I told you that I will just keep my promise "Trust …
Respect … Patience …" no matter how. I decided to touch nothing more
about valentine day celebration in the chat session during that time; just
because of I do not want you to feel bad. Your time for me now is far lesser
than before and I just want to treasure every second with you and filling it with
happiness and exciting. Again, I had my hour long bath just after that chat session.

I had your gift sent but got returned. Your new address is too simple to be
used. I really don’t know that when can I passing the gift to you now, and I am
really guilty. I told myself that I must spend the valentine night to accompany
my dear with chat or phone for the very least, since it is hardly for us to
celebrate together.  I did wait for the whole night but you were not here.
I did call you several times but were not answered. It seem like a lovely sms
to me is really too expensive for you to spend nowadays. Maybe just as what you
said you are not allowed to call or sms me. But don’t you just sms me for some
general question days before? 

I am wondering what I should do to make our relation back to be alive like
before. Perhaps I am now not again qualify to be your ‘Lover’ but only your so
call ‘ Soul Mate’ . Perhaps I am not again to be the one who deserved to receive
your ‘lovely words or lovely calls’ but only msn chat whenever you are bore at

I must stop thinking now. Again I will go for another hour long bath now, and
let my tears flow away in bathroom. When I stepping out from bath room later, I
will just remind myself with my promise " Be patience to wait, no
matter how long time it will be… Respects your busy life and every of your
single decision… Trust in you and believe in true love that linked us together,
without asking too much or suspecting your faith in our relation so far …"

I did my pledge to God that I will take only you for the rest of my life and I promised
to God that I am willing to face any suffering and challenges as long as I know
that your life is turning better and better. I might feel bad always but I will
never get angry. My tears might fall always but I will never give up. Even one
day when you totally disappeared from my life, yet I will just keep myself
single and sit aside to read your blog and mine. And keep praying for your
better life to be.

I always believe that loving someone is far more important that being loved by
others. And I know that my heart will never abandon you without any exception
for the rest of my life.  

Don’t worry about me. I will just spend my hour in bath room whenever I am hurt. I will regain the power to fight for our relation again whenever I am out from bath room.  As for my family members and friends,  please remember to free me from asking too much. Please allow me to spend more time in bath room as well, and do not knock my door whenever I am not ready yet for a smile again.